A love letter to my stalker

I don't know who you are.

I have my suspicions, but that's as far as I want to think.

I know you've been watching me.

Maybe you've stopped.

I don't know. I don't care.

For awhile you were all I cared about.

You, tracking me. Knowing where I lived, worked, socialized, shopped.

It wasn't so much that I thought I could die from the stunts you pulled.

It was the constant nagging that you were watching.

The constant knowing of unknowing.

I felt like I hated you. I felt like you were punishing me.

You made your presence known at a time that I stood upon the precipice of my life for the very first time and felt excitement and freedom course through me in a way that overwhelmed and exhilarated me.

But all of that stopped when you came around.

I shut down. Shut off.

I had to.

I have so much to thank you for.

Because of you, I went on anti-depressants.

I kept going to counseling. I told people about my problems. I struggled publicly and embarrassingly.

I worried everyone who loves me.

But because of you, I figured some things out.

I had to.

It's strange, you know? I've always had this thing for phoenixes. I could never tell why. I assumed it was just another faucet of my weird girl vibe.

I get it now.

At the point that I first felt my wings stretched out large, you came along and stalked me to a point that I incinerated myself and all the things I loved about me.

I had to.

But only for a time.

I'm better now. I've healed.

I'm stronger. Stronger now than I have ever been.

I've found my people. I've found my love. I've found myself. I love her fiercely.

She won't put up with your bullshit anymore.

Not ever again.

I'll stretch larger and larger, and disintegrate into ashes again and again.

I get it now.

How scared you must be.

To be the same still. A coward.

To be anonymous and hiding.

To be wholly irrelevant.

Even if you killed me and bathed in the slickness of my blood, you could never have me, never be me.

I have experienced all of the greatest things in life now and I love my life and my struggle and myself.

I'm finally free.

I get how much that scares you.

I get it now.